Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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