woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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