I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
