He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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