You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
