i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
