I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
