shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
