i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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