I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
