so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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