I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
