I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
