how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
