One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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