Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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