First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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