Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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