Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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