Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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