I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
