ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
