i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
