508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
