I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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