I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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