i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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