Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
