I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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