when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
