fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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