Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Four minutes until I can fart!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
