I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
