The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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