Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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