I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it fun? or sober?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
