my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this hospital has no fireball
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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