You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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