Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
