I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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