did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Randomize
