were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want nice things and good sex
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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