Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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