you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
