I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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