Small penises have feelings too.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
