I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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