i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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