She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
