that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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