i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
