I accidentally burped into my bong.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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