it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
