I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
