This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
