i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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