Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
