I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
