NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
