Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
