I feel like I'm in dance class right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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