I murdered the dance floor call the cops
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We smell like vodka and hangover
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