1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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