Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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