I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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