i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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