I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
