Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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