I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
