so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
