Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
