this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
