Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
