woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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